I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
