STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
