I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
