kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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