Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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