All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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