Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
