That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Found your dick twin last night
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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