she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
