I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
