Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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