I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
