i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
