My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Rumble strips road head = magical
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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