If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
