yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
