My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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