Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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