Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
