bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
