i wish my penis had a tongue
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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