Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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