Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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