he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
