I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
