Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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