And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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