you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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