Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
