you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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