I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
