My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
