rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
