I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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