i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
