just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
