oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
