Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
