im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
