All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize