I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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