First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
