This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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