Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
