I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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