suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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