Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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