In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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