You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
