Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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