ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
