thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
