Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
