the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
