My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
