i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
