Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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