That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
