i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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