my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
