either way he was missing a nipple.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
