I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
