You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
