My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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