i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
