i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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