Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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