Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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