i think my mom watched the whole time
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
