my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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