Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It's just like the Real World with babies
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
