went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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