Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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