I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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