just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
