I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
do herpes really smell.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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