I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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