hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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