my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
