My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
