please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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