last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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