Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
