I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize