Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
