I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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