oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
