I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
