i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
