What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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