I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
