hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
