if i can run in heels then i can drive
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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