Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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