so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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