it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
