Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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