So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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