hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
