wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
