I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
