3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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