you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
